Disability People wanted a list of my symptoms.... Figured I would share.

August 2008- Small patch of skin felt numb on Right calf inner calf area.

Sept 2008- Slip and fall resulted in 3 broken bones in hand, pulled tendon in forearm (right arm) and entire right leg went numb.
End of Sept 2008- Made appt with Orthopedic Specialist- Several X-Rays/ Reflex tests, determined it was not a pinched nerve, and had nothing to do with my spine as it was of normal size and alignment. Referred me to a neurologist, for possible nerve damage.

October 2008- First appt with neurologist- determined there was a problem in my spinal cord and sent me right away for an MRI. Oct 31- Results from MRI confirm neurologist suspicions of Multiple Sclerosis. 4 lesions found in Thoracic spine. I was then sent in for another MRI of my brain and blood testing and LP to test for any other possible causes for lesions. There was no MRI done on the Cervical spine at this time.

November 2008- Results of all tests are back, 7 lesions found on brain along with the 4 in the thoracic spine. LP tested positive, all blood work indicates no other possible causes. At this point, the left leg is going numb, along with numbness in back, mostly right side form shoulder blades down. Neurologist started a 5 day treatment with IVSM at a gram a day. I became very ill, and very swollen. Weight gain, depression, lethargic, and 6 blown veins in 5 days time. Neurologist administered water pills and a five day supply of Ambien to try to counteract the effects of IVSM. Two days after stopping IVSM, woke up soaking wet, and covered in sweat, shivering, and aching. This lasted for 2 days and then went away.I was on the Medrol dose pack taper after the IVSM. This was followed with extreme pain in both ankles, felt like the joint was locking up. After a few days this too went away. Three days after LP, began having tension headaches, which were accompanied by a burning feeling in both legs. Neurologist prescribed Duradrin to treat headaches. Also prescribed Zoloft for depression and Amitriptyline to aid in sleeping. Neurologist also administered Skelaxin for pain.

December 2008- Began having balance issues when walking. I could no longer walk in a straight line. Also began seeing yellow/white spots in my left eye. Blurred vision in the left eye. Evoked Potentials test revealed “mild case of optic neuritis”. Neurologist administered 7 days of Medrol dose pack. Depression continued, and I was told to up the dosage on the Zoloft. Started daily injections of Copaxone.

Jan 2009- Woke up with severe pain in the spine between the shoulder blades. Called neurologist was instructed to go to the ER. ER docs contacted the neurologist who recommended Percocet and Another round of Medrol dose pack. Followed up the following day with neurologist, was told symptoms were stress induced, and I was sent home. Followed up again two weeks later, symptoms continued to get worse, including electrical feeling down my spine when I would bend my head. We tried another 7 day taper of Medrol dose pack. Vision issues and balance issues continued to progress. At this point I was numb from the shoulder blades down to my toes on both sides. I was once again told it was stress induced and I was told to follow up in 4 months. At this point I decided it was time to find a new neurologist.

Feb 2009- Made an appointment with a new neurologist. For mid march. At this point I was no longer able to drive a car. I could not feel the pedals under my feet and I could not see clearly out of my left eye. Balance issues continued to progress. Called old neuro about worsening of symptoms and he called in another 7 day taper Medrol Dose pack.

Mar 2009- Went to Kentucky to visit family. By the time we arrived from the 12 hour car trip, my pinky and ring finger on right hand had gone completely numb as well as the skin on my forearm down to my elbow. Saw new neurologist who immediately called in another 5 day round of IVSM, administered at home this time. She also sent me in for another MRI which showed a more lesions and growth of previous lesions in the Cervical and Thoracic Spine, as well as the brain. See attached. Called when we returned home, the neurologist on call called in a prescription for Baclofen. To help with the spasms in my back whenever I would lay down.
End of March 2009- I became ill after my fiancé contracted a case of walking pneumonia/ bronchitis. At that point, I decided to stop taking the Copaxone and all other meds while I was on the antibiotics to treat the pneumonia/ bronchitis. Within 3 days, I noticed a dramatic improvement in my balance. By 7 days of not taking Copaxone, I was able to walk in a straight line, I could feel my legs and back, and the pain had subsided. It was at this point I followed up with my neurologist, who recommended I begin Rebif injections. I decided to try to take a more homeopathic approach. Ten days after stopping Copaxone, my vision had returned to normal and the neuro-opthomologist could find no signs of optic neuritis.

April 2009- I decided not to start the Rebif, and to try treating the disease with diet and vitamins. I gave up beef and pork, began taking a daily regiment of vitamins. Vitamins included: Vitamin E, C, B6, B12, D, Calcium, Selenium, Aloe Powder, Omega 3-6-9. Only one of my symptoms remained. I still felt electrical charges when I would bend my head. This began to get worse and I began to have what felt like crawling skin/ pins and needles down my back whenever I would dry off after a shower. None of my other symptoms returned. Another MRI on Brain and optic nerves. Brain shows progressing. See attached.

June 2009- We moved. Numbness, and back spasms returned. I assumed it was from the physical stress of moving, waiting two weeks, when it did not subside, I called the neuro. I was told the symptoms were most likely a result of physically over working, and to give it some time. Numbness continued to get worse, as well as the pins/needles feeling in both of my legs. Spasms started in my back again whenever I would try to lay down and pain in my spine between shoulder blades and in neck returned.

July 2009- Sinus infection brought on the return of Optic Neuritis. Antibiotics administered. Followed up with neurologist. Another 5 day round of IVSM was administered. Started Neurontin for the pins/needles feeling in my legs which is increasing with heat.

August 2009- Finished IVSM and another MRI of Cervical and Thoracic Spine shows it is still progressing and new lesions are forming. Started Avonex weekly injections. Also started Ambien to aid in sleeping and Tramadol for pain. Began experiencing sever depression issues, pain continued in my spine. At this point the neurologist called in a prescription for Ketorolac. After stopping the IVSM, had what felt like a kidney infection followed by a yeast infection that lasted for over a week. Was prescribed Citalopram for the depression. Began having night sweats and not being able to sleep at night.

Sept 10-12 2009- Awakened with severe pain in right lower rib, pain spread to include left lower rib. By the end of the day the pain also included my back, it felt like there was a band around my body squeezing. I informed the neurologist the pain subsided after 2 days.

Sept 24, 2009- Had Tubal Ligation surgery. There was excruciating pain afterwards, mostly in my spine and abdomen. The pain increased as time went on, and I began running a low grade fever . Left eye began to have fuzzy vision, numbness in my right hand (pinky and ring finger down to my elbow). This also caused both of my legs to go completely numb. The depression issues continued along with MS related fatigue. Began to have injection site reactions to Avonex, including swelling, and redness. Skin was hot to touch. Was advised to stay on the Avonex at this point. Night sweats continued, to the point I was soaking through my pajamas and my sheets.

Sept 30, 2009- Diagnosed and treated for a sinus infection and inner ear infection.

October 2009- Injection site reactions with Avonex continued. Also began breaking out in hives on both legs and chest. Regained some feeling in my legs, pressure can be felt but the skin is still numb to the touch. My right leg has bouts of hypersensitivity. The skin is either numb or feels like there is electricity buzzing through it followed by a crawling bug feeling under the skin. Began having sever cramping and severe periods from the Tubal Ligation. I was put on birth control pills to counteract this. Follow up with neurologist, it was decided that we would be stopping Avonex and switching to Tysabri. Due to a worsening of pain and cognitive issues, we did another set of MRIs where they found more lesions in my brain and determined the lower back pain was from Degenerative Disk Disease and there was mild bulging in every disc of my lumbar region. I decided to stop taking Avonex on 10/24/2009. The injection reactions were getting worse with the hives and the night sweats, and the fatigue and depression were also increasing. Was diagnosed and treated again in October with another sinus and inner ear infection.

November 2009- Gained 13 pounds in two weeks time. Swelling, and cramping in lower abdomen, strange smelling urine, constipation, lower back pain, and mild grade fever resulted in another trip to the doctor. Testing found glucose and protein in urine. Because it tested negative for white blood cells it was determined this was not a kidney infection. Blood work was tested, and I was sent in for ultra sounds. Nothing found. Was prescribed Avelox and Vicoden and told to follow up with my neurologist.

This has been my life for the last year....

Does double the protection mean double the sex?

You have to love my life. It is never boring anymore. One would think my not working and being home and rarely leaving my house would get boring. But no, my body finds ways to entertain me.

I was told that if I attempted to carry another baby to term it would most likely paralyze me. From all of the very large and scary lesions on my spine, the doctor is baffled that I am walking as it is. When the time comes to switch out my IUD I am ready! Except....my insurance will not pay for contraceptives. It will, however pay for a tubal ligation. After much deliberation, a few tears shed, and an acceptance that I will never have another child, I agree to have this surgery.

I go in, get the surgery. Which I am told was a success. I wake up from surgery in excruciating pain with a nurse shoving ginger ale and graham crackers at me because my blood sugar is low. Well duh I wasn’t allowed to have anything to eat or drink before the surgery. They refuse to take me to the recovery room until I eat these crackers and drink the ginger ale. I ate the ginger ale felt great on my dried up throat (they had a tube in there) and they wheel me to recovery. A few minutes later the projectile vomiting starts. Man I love my nurse. LOL

After about an hour of excruciating pain and sitting in a bed smelling puke I tell the nurse I am ready to go home. I can lay in pain at my house just as well as in the hospital. So they send me home. Well, I made it to my moms. No way I was going to make it back to my house some 65 miles away. The pain was torture and I could not get comfortable. The Percocet did help that a little.

Spend the day being pampered by my mom. Sent the man home to take care of the animals. Made it back to my house the next evening. It was good to be home. Still in pain, and that’s when the uterus decided to try to run away. A whole new kind of pain.

Then I woke up and my legs were completely numb again. YAY I have MS! First thing you do when new things arise is take your temp. I had a slight fever and decided to call my doc. Of course, he needs to see me before he can call me in an antibiotic. And he can only see me around the time my DD is getting out of school. I have to leave the man here, get in my car and drive the 60 miles to the doctor’s office. Mind you at this point I have a fever, my legs are numb, I cannot feel the pedals and I have stitches in my belly that are showing signs of infection. Oh yeah, and my uterus is still spasming which feels like contractions and my left eye is acting up…and I am driving!

Get to the docs office who tells me to treat the stitches topically and that he does not feel comfortable giving me an antibiotic because I am on immune suppression therapy for the MS. He then offers me another prescription for Percocet and tells me to have a nice day. He gets cussed out at this point and I am ready to stab the man in his testicles with a scalpel. I then get to drive back home in the same condition. I hate this man.

Two days later my daughter comes home from school in a particularly foul mood and I discover she is running a fever. This is the same day my head got all stopped up. I take her to the doc and find out she has a sinus infection….which means another trip to the doc for me. Turns out I have a sinus infection and an inner ear infection. Two weeks later I am still fighting the sinus thing.
Then I get my monthly friend who I haven’t seen in 3 years…which is why I loved the iud so much. This friend comes with uterus spasms again and massive amounts of yuck. Call back to my OB/Gyn office. Talk to my favorite midwife. We go over a checklist of symptoms. Sounds like I have Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome. But we can’t be 100% sure because most of the symptoms are also MS symptoms which I was having before the surgery. And how do we treat this? Birth Control Pills! The same pills my insurance would not pay for when I wanted to get my IUD replaced. They will now pay for them because they are not being used for contraception, but instead for hormone replacement. You have got to be shitting me right?

I am now taking not one but two birth control pills a day to counteract the effects of getting my tubes tied. The MS symptoms are getting worse by the day and when I go in to see my Neuro on Monday I get to request another MRI because I am pretty sure I have grown two new lesions on my spine. I shall name them Bubba and Earl. This is my life. Welcome to it.

OH OH and as if this story isn’t bad enough…. My daughter comes bursting into the bathroom the other day at the MOST inopportune moment (while I am trying to clean up the yuckiness) and proceeds to freak out that mommy is bleeding and tells me I need stitches! I was then forced to have a very serious talk about menstruation with my 5 yr old. That was fun. Almost as much fun as getting a call form the school nurse the next day. My darling daughter went in for her hearing test and she asks the nurse “I understand when you get old you have blood in your belly for the baby and if it doesn’t come out it makes you sick, but WHY DOES IT COME OUT OF YOUR COOCHIE??? Shouldn’t it come out of your belly button?? Because my mom’s coochie is bleeding!” So we had to have another talk last night. This is fun.

And does double the protection mean I get to have double the sex? Hell no. I can't stop the bleeding from getting my tubes tied. Moral of the story here: Don't ever think that it can't get worse because it will find a way!

It's just one of those days!

Depression, frustration, and anger. These are some of the things the doctors warn you about when you have MS. They warn you about a lot of things in hopes of preparing you for what life has in store. But there really is no way to prepare for any of it, and this is the case with life in general not just with MS or any other disease.

Fatigue, optic neuritis, balance issues, pain, insomnia, numbness, depression, hypersensitivity, bowel and bladder dysfunctions, sexual dysfunctions… These are all common symptoms with Multiple Sclerosis. You can read about these symptoms, you can research treatments, but you cannot prepare for any of it, until you experience it. And most of the time the doctors don’t tell you what to expect because there is no sense in getting you worried over something that may or may not happen. And I have not read anything in a book, or online that has prepared me for any of this.

One of my biggest challenges with this disease is the frustration I feel when I am no longer able to do the things I enjoy. In the beginning of summer, we were hitting the beach almost every day. We were at the park, we went hiking, we played and we laughed and although I had this disease life was good. By July I couldn’t step outside without the heat causing my legs to crawl, and causing my eyes to act up. I couldn’t pick my daughter up from the bus stop when school first started without taking my air conditioned car. We live 3 houses away. I knew if I attempted to walk down and stand there for the 10 minutes or so that we wait for the bus I would not be able to walk back home. And although you learn to adapt to these changes in your body and in your life you cannot help feeling frustrated.

I have a very aggressive form of this disease, and the only way to treat an aggressive form is with aggressive therapies. So I pump these toxins into my body each week. I take pills for the MS symptoms, I take pills to counteract the symptoms of the medications. I inject myself every week with a drug that tries to shut down my immune system. I get sick, and I stay sick because my body cannot fight these attacks. And your entire life becomes one big science experiment. This drug makes it worse, this drug is effective for most people but not you. Let’s try this one. Let’s try that one. It’s all one big guessing game. What works for some doesn’t work for others.

There is such a thing as “MS Fatigue”. We have our own class of fatigue, and until you have experienced it, you have no idea. I can tell you there are weeks at a time where I am completely useless. It takes every ounce of energy I have to get dinner cooked. I can’t get off the sofa, and when I do it’s because I am going to get into my bed. But even sleep is terrifying, and painful. Am I going to be able to see when I wake up? Am I going to be able to walk? Is the crawling bugs feeling on my leg going to let up so I can fall asleep? I look around my house at the laundry piling up and the floor needing to be cleaned and I cannot find the energy to get off of the sofa and take care of these things. Mommy doesn’t want to play today sweetie she is so tired. And you lay here and watch life as it passes you by and this is the fatigue they talk about.

People can see that you are having a hard time walking. And even if they can see the physical impact and they can understand the cause of these symptoms. But no one can see the emotional impact that this disease has on you. No one can feel what is going on in your mind when you realize you cannot walk across the room. No one feels your heart sink when you look at your shoe collection and you remember the days when you could actually wear them. No one can see the disappointment in yourself when your body refuses to respond to the drugs. Or the absolute feeling of hopelessness you feel when you look into your child’s eyes and you don’t know that you are going to be here to watch her grow up. You can no longer run around the yard with her, and you don’t know if you will even be able to walk with her tomorrow.

You see people who take life for granted and it makes you angry. You used to be one of those people. You worked too much, you didn’t take time for yourself, or time for your family. And now you can’t get that time back. And it makes you angry.

Every day isn’t a bad day. And you do learn to appreciate life a lot more when you have something threatening to take it away. Every day is a battle in the much bigger war called life. And every day that I wake up I awaken with the knowledge that I am alive and this disease didn’t win, and this war is not over.

But, some days, like today you just don’t want to fight anymore. Some days you just want one day where you are not reminded that this thing is here and it’s kicking your ass and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. These are the days when you have to fight harder. These are days when you have to use that anger and that frustration to push you through to tomorrow. And you cannot worry about what tomorrow has in store because even if you do there is no way to be prepared. Life happens, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Dreaming of dear Lady Sleep

Sleep is a blessed curse that taunts me in the night. She is an ellusive creature who shudders at the thought of our togetherness. The traps I set are futile as she finds a way to escape me every night and I am left a shadow of my former self. I miss her. Like the love I feel, or the air I breathe, I cannot seem to function without her. Why does she torment me so? Does she not see how I long for her company? Can she not feel the pain that is caused by our broken bond? Oh dear lady sleep, please come back to me. As the sun sets and the moon shines from above I long for you. If you come back to me, I promise that I shall love, honor, and cherish every moment we spend together.

OK, so I have decided sleep is obviously a woman. And somehow I have managed to piss her off. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, so obvioulsy she is one pissed off little lady!

Sometimes you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Tramadol... supposedly a great pain killer as it is supposed to block the pain receptors in your brain. WRONG! For me, it gives me a headache and makes my neck hurt. BUT... if I take an Ambien afterwards, it makes everything stop hurting and I turn into a zombie before I fall into the bed and sleep like the dead. The only problems of course being that it's addictive and when I wake up I feel like there are weights attached to my arms and legs and my brain hurts. It feels like my skull is shrinking and there is just not enough room in there for my big giant brain.

Doc decides to add Ketoralac, an NSAID. (Non-Steroird Anit-Inflammatory Drug) which by the way has about the same effect as taking two tylenol.

This leaves me with 3 options:
* Drug up before sleep and feel like crap all day
* Just take the ambien and get a few hours of sleep but no enough to function
* Take nothing and skip sleep all together.

Yesterday I decided the pain was not unbearable, it was still there but not that bad. So I decided to take and Ambien and get some shut eye. Ambien and I have a Love Hate relationship. On the one hand, it shuts my brain off and puts me right to sleep. On the other hand, it only stays in your body for a few hours. It does not make me groggy in the morning and I don't sleep through my alarm going off. These are very good things. Except... I no longer sleep through my fiance's alarm going off either. And once I awake, that is it. Sleep is over, time to get out of bed before the pain in your back renders you immobile. I love that it puts me to sleep, but I hate that it does not allow me more than a four hour window of sleep.

A lack of sleep does many things to a person. I forget words, I have a hard time forming sentences, and most importantly, I feel an overwhelming urge to just kick the living shit out of anything that moves. Especially those people who feel the need to wake you from a much needed sleep. This morning I was woken up by a hand shaking me and asking me to do something (I assume "roll over" as there was a shaking hand on my stomach and some grumbling between snores coming from the other side of the bed). Three minutes later the alarm goes off. This is about the time my bladder reminds me it's time to get up. I get up, I make coffee and 45 minutes later the grumbling snoring shakey hand man come stumbling out of the bedroom. YAY! It's time for him to go to work. I can finally get my bed back.

I go crawl back into my bed, pull the covers up around me and.... And I lay there, then I turn this way and that way and no matter what I do I cannot get comfortable. Sleep left my bedroom at 2:45 this morning and she has no intentions of returning. 3:30 this morning I decided to have a cup of that coffee I made. I have been up for over 5 hours and it is not even 8:00 AM. This is ridiculous. On the plus side, I stopped crying. I think I am too tired to cry.

It's my BLOGY and I'll bitch if I want to!

And the MRI shows once again....IT'S PROGRESSING!! I now have 12 lesions on my spinal cord ranging in size from 9mm to 74.7 mm. The doctor is worried because it is progressing so fast and I am terrified of life right now. I really don't know what is worse, the idea that this disease is trying to kill me or the idea that it may not succeed and this is the quality of life I have to look forward to.

Every time I am alone, I find myself having crying fits, which is highly out of character for me. I am not a crying kind of girl. But I can't seem to shake this sinking feeling. Each day this disease seems to get worse and worse. I never even thought MS was even possible until I was diagnosed last October. Then I was told it is relapsing remitting and it will go away and come back. Then I was told it's looking like secondary progressive and now I am being told it is progressing faster than should be possible. Neuro started me on Avonex, but already believes it is not going to work and has already planned to switch me to Tysabri in 6 months.

And I am still not working, and I am at home feeling completely useless. I have no energy to do anything. I am now on Tramadol and Neurontin and Avonex and Ambien. I don't know if it is just the frustration of this stupid disease or the increasing symptoms or self pity or maybe even a side effect of the meds but I can't stop crying. I don't cry when my daughter is here and I don't cry in front of my fiance or my friends and family. And I am alone a lot lately now that my daughter is in school. Which leaves me time to think, and then I can't help thinking how the hell my life has turned into this and I lose it all over again.

What sucks is "You look so good!" yet I feel like I am trapped inside of a torture chamber and I have no way to escape. You can't tell by looking at me that my legs are on fire you can't tell that it feels like my skin is trying to crawl away. You can't tell that I cannot see clearly out of my eye or that it feels like I have three knives sticking straight into my spine. You can't see the torture that my mind goes through when I forget a word, or I forget where I am going or why I walked into this room. You can't seem to comprehend my new phobia of stairs, or daylight, or driving long distances. The dread that washes over me when it's time for bed because I don't know how bad it is going to hurt to try to lay down and I have no idea what new torture my body will invent the next day. You don't get to feel what it's like to hook an IV into your arm and pump yourself full of toxins that make you pray for the mercy of death as you watch your body respond and you gain 9 pounds in 5 days. You don't get to experience the panic that takes over when you get so much as a sinus infection because you know your eyes are going to take the hit. But I LOOK great...when I'm not bursting into tears that is.

The depression is a real bitch. That is one of those side effects they warn you about but you just don't know quite how to prepare for it. And yes, I do realize how much worse it could be. And I am grateful that I can still use my legs, and I can still swallow and I can still get from point A to point B on my own. I do know that it could be so much worse, but that doesn't make it suck any less. That doesn't make the hopelessness fade any faster or the fear subside.

Who knows? Maybe I am just going insane! That is what happens when you obsess over things. I don't think I have spoken to one person with this disease who doesn't obsess over it. It's not something I do on purpose but when you have something attacking your body and you feel the effects of it 24 hours a day you tend to think about it 24 hours a day.

I just felt like venting!

So it's been a while since I have written. Where to begin..... Well, we moved again. And I cannot get internet access at the new house Thank you verizon!!

Moving caused all of my old symptoms to show up along with a few new symptoms and the fact that ALL of the old problems never went away(all but a few minor ones went away but those few continued to get worse).... the doctor now thinks I am secondary progressive. Wants me on Avonex right away to try to slow the disability and I have another MRI scheduled for tomorrow. Because I have thyroid issues and heart issues already there is a slight chance the Avonex could be fatal. But if this disease continues to progress at the rate that is I am looking at being in a wheelchair in the next year. These are my options. Ignore it and lose more and more functions or try to treat it and hope that it doesn't kill me. AWESOME! So I am a little stressed out which is not helping anything and I am finding myself having crying spells that last from a few minutes to a few hours.

Oh did I mention Avonex causes depression....and I haven't even started the meds yet. In the mean time I am on Neurontin to help stop my skin from crawling right off of my body....and it's not working.

And neither am I. I am still not working. I cannot stare at a computer for more than an hour without triggering the optic neuritis, I cannot stand for more than an hour without my back spasming and my feet and legs feeling like they are on fire and I cannot lift anything over 10 pounds. I have no idea what it is that I am supposed to be doing for a living as every job I have ever had requires at least one of the above mentioned. YET... I am not disabled enough to be disabled in the state of Virginia. But don't stress it makes MS worse.

And to top all of this off my daughter starts school (Kindergarten)in 2 weeks and I have no babysitter out here in the sticks as I don't know anyone and I can't get her on an "as needed" basis with daycare, so her first day of school i get to pick her up early so she can go with me to my neurologist appointment because to reschedule it requires waiting another 3 weeks to get in. I am frustrated and overwhelmed.

On the plus side I finally heard back from Johns Hopkins who sent me all of the required paperwork to schedule an appointment. I will fill that out and see what happens. This year has been a rollercoaster ride and it doesn't look like it is ever going end and I am tired of the hills and sick to my stomach and I really really just want to get off!

Weekly Check In time!

Let's see, the good news or the bad news first? The bad news is kind of funny so we will start there and end on a happy note.....

Yesterday I managed to pull a bonehead MS move... Falling UP the stairs. Now let's face it, I have never been one to do anything half-assed. Not only did I manage to fall up the stairs, I managed to land on my big toe causing an obviously broken toe and a suspected broken metetarsal too. Which hurts like the devil, but does make a funny story. Especially considering I am just getting over the sprained ankle on the other foot from last weekend.

The diet is going great. I have lost another 3.4 pounds since last week for those who are keeping track that makes 8.4 pounds in the last 3 weeks! I have been craving avocados for the last few days. I have never craved avocados even when I was pregnant, but hey I got 8lbs saying I can eat a few if I want. So that is my update.

No major MS symptoms besides the feeling liek something is touching my back when it is not and the lightning bolts. It doesn't hurt, I can see, i can walk, and I am able to feel my legs so i am still not calling the neuro.

I do NOT regret not trying the Rebif because in general I feel great. And I highly recommend this diet to anyone who wants to try it. Not saying it's for everyone, just saying it seems to be working wonders with me.

Exciting new changes and another 2 lbs down.

Welcome to the end of week 2. I lost another 2 lbs. I have done great at sticking to the new diet. Except for the dark chocolate chip brownies I made last night. But in all fairness I started working out again this week and DD and I went on a 2 mile hike yesterday and another 2 back and my guilt made me do another hour of yoga last night before bed after I finished all of my ebay listings. Yes, it was 1 AM but I have found I sleep better after an hour of stretching.

Some funny things I have discovered.... Yoga isn't as easy as it used to be and it is going to take a lot of time and effort to get my full balance back. It's also a lot harder to do now that I have a gut and I am not as bendy as I used to be. Yoga used to be my "thing" then I had a kid and a full time job and a hour commute each way and dinner to cook and baths to give and .... you know how it goes.

So in my discovery that yoga isn't as easy as it used to be I found I would benefit greatly from a balance ball. And ode to the wonders of Super Target... The ball I was looking at was $27.99 but then I found the Biggest Loser set with the ball and resistance bands on clearance for $9.98 Can't beat that!

Now let's talk realistic goals. Realistically I would like to tone up, improve my balance and lose no less than 30 lbs. Realistically I will not be able to do that in 2 weeks time it is something I have to stick with. Realistically I would like to be able to make it through my old yoga routine without falling over or getting the shakes like I am now.

The MS updates: I still have the lightning bolts when I bend my head. And a new thing is when i get out of the shower and dry off and hang my towel up it feels like the towel is still rubbing my lower back. This lasts for about 5 minutes. It doesn't hurt it is just annoying and no I am not consulting with my neuro about it.

Overall, I feel better than I have in a year. I am starting to feel like me again and it is so nice to be able to do things again! My daughter and I spend no less than an hour each day doing something fun like going to the park or hiking through the woods or hitting the beach. It is going to suck when school starts and I have to go back to work. But the business although it is doing pretty good still isn't enough to justify not working. I do plan on keeping the business after I go back to work and only plan on working part time. So for now life is good.

I realize this could change at any moment so I am going to live it up as long as I can.

Update on the diet/ herbs/ vitamins

Tomorrow marks one week since I started my new diet and became a fish-etarian. I have cut out caffeine except for the ONE cup of coffee I am allowing myself to have in the morning. This was a HUGE step for me. Before I would drink no less than 4 cups of coffee and probably 4-6 glasses of super sweet Iced Tea. And any trip to the gas station warranted a Pepsi.

I force myself to eat breakfast now. I don't eat eggs, haven't since I was a kid and that is not changing now. Breakfast is pretty easy, a bagel and cream cheese or one of my many varieties of fruit smoothies with yogurt, and my cup of coffee. Followed of course by my 8 oz of aloe powder/ water mix which I normally use to wash down the first of my three part vitamin ritual. (Omegs 3-6-9, B12, Selenium)

Lunch is raw veggies, normally a salad which I use a variety of things in to create different kind and flavors. Yesterday was Spinach with mushroom, tomato and onion. Today probably citrus asparagus mix with apples. Followed by part two of the vitamins (Omega 3-6-9, Vit C, Zinc, Calcium).

Dinner is the only time I eat meat and by meat I mean fish, maybe chicken. If I eat meat at all. Last night I made the BEST manacotti with spinach, mushroom, onions, zucinni, cheese and topped with creamy pesto basil sauce. I also have some kind of salad with dinner as I am increasing my veggie intake. Again with the vitamins (Omega 3-6-9).

I also keep an herbal tea concoction in the fridge which I drink throughout the day. Green tea, Chamomile,Elder Flower, Yarrow Flower, Peppermint, Rosehip, Cinnamon, Ginger, Safflower, Licorice, mixed with Honey. Which has replaced my Iced Tea. yes it's a lot of stuff, but really it's only 4 different kinds of teat that I combine when I make it.

I have also increased my water intake, forcing myself to drink those 8 glasses a day. And I snack on fruits with cheese or yogurt when I want something sweet.

The results:
The lightning bolts when bending my head are still here but barely noticeable. I have actually increased my food intake I am eating a lot more than I used to... but I lost 3 pounds in the last week. None of the other MS symptoms are back. I feel more energetic, which could just be the psychological effect of putting good stuff in my body. And the one surprising thing... my face is clearing up! I have been having breakouts since my first round of IVSM. I feel amazing.

The only downside is that I am still cooking normal foods for my daughter and fiance. He doesn't like fish, she doesn't like anything with spices so she won't eat my fish.

Natural Healing? No I will not give up Gluten or Dairy!

What happens when you have some random disease that keeps kicking your butt and your best friend is a nutritionist? Well, eventually you turn to them for help. Now I have followed the research on the gluten/dairy free diets. In theory this is a great idea. But in the real world not so much. I mean is life worth living without pasta and cheese?? Not in my house it is not. When I get stressed out, I make bread. Sometimes I make cheese filled bread. And no, I am unwilling to give these things up.

I am willing to make a few changes. I was even convinced to start drinking aloe juice. I have replaced my giant bag of medications with a giant bag of vitamins and my tea drawer is now stocked full of teas and herbs as the way it used to be before I was diagnosed with the MonSter.

I have decided to go back to a mostly vegetarian diet. I didn't eat meat for 3 years. I was far from vegan, like I said I like my cheese too much. Note that I said mostly vegetarian diet. I don't see myself going back to strictly veggies and fruits. But with summertime approaching and the abundant sources of fresh fruits and veggies I see no reason not to center my diet in this department.

I am doing this for two reasons. I want to lose weight and I want to feel better. When I gave up meat before it was because my stepfather had cows and I became attached to these cows, I fed them and pet them and named them. One day my favorite one was sent to be slaughtered and that is when I gave up meat. Obviously I got over this and went back to thick juicy steaks. I have also gained a lot of weight since then and with the added weight and now the MS crap I just don't feel healthy. It is time to make a change and since I am refusing the Rebif for now I need to find a better alternative.

I did discover something last night that I thought I would share. You know what helps build myelin? Omega fatty acids. Yes, these too have been incorporated into the diet.

And my little girl turned 5 today! She will be starting kindergarten this year. Where does the time go?