Thursday, August 13, 2009

So it's been a while since I have written. Where to begin..... Well, we moved again. And I cannot get internet access at the new house Thank you verizon!!

Moving caused all of my old symptoms to show up along with a few new symptoms and the fact that ALL of the old problems never went away(all but a few minor ones went away but those few continued to get worse).... the doctor now thinks I am secondary progressive. Wants me on Avonex right away to try to slow the disability and I have another MRI scheduled for tomorrow. Because I have thyroid issues and heart issues already there is a slight chance the Avonex could be fatal. But if this disease continues to progress at the rate that is I am looking at being in a wheelchair in the next year. These are my options. Ignore it and lose more and more functions or try to treat it and hope that it doesn't kill me. AWESOME! So I am a little stressed out which is not helping anything and I am finding myself having crying spells that last from a few minutes to a few hours.

Oh did I mention Avonex causes depression....and I haven't even started the meds yet. In the mean time I am on Neurontin to help stop my skin from crawling right off of my body....and it's not working.

And neither am I. I am still not working. I cannot stare at a computer for more than an hour without triggering the optic neuritis, I cannot stand for more than an hour without my back spasming and my feet and legs feeling like they are on fire and I cannot lift anything over 10 pounds. I have no idea what it is that I am supposed to be doing for a living as every job I have ever had requires at least one of the above mentioned. YET... I am not disabled enough to be disabled in the state of Virginia. But don't stress it makes MS worse.

And to top all of this off my daughter starts school (Kindergarten)in 2 weeks and I have no babysitter out here in the sticks as I don't know anyone and I can't get her on an "as needed" basis with daycare, so her first day of school i get to pick her up early so she can go with me to my neurologist appointment because to reschedule it requires waiting another 3 weeks to get in. I am frustrated and overwhelmed.

On the plus side I finally heard back from Johns Hopkins who sent me all of the required paperwork to schedule an appointment. I will fill that out and see what happens. This year has been a rollercoaster ride and it doesn't look like it is ever going end and I am tired of the hills and sick to my stomach and I really really just want to get off!